Kicking & Streaming

Beetlejuice or: How I Learned to Haunt Ethically

It's big core this week, lil onions. We are ending Spookaween right with Beetlejuice (1988), a hilariously dark and campy film about a bioexorcist who helps a recently deceased couple expel the living from their Connecticut farm house. Ross is hair-on-fire excited to talk about how Delia Deets is both the moment and the problem, Carie is here for the craftsmanship of a Tim Burton production, and the siblings are ready to have a dance party for the Harry Belafonte moment of this film. And don't forget, the siblings will be reviewing the sequel to this movie, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) later this month on PATREON! 

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The Conjuring or: How James Wan Did Amityville Horror

There's no ifs ands or buts about it this week, lil onions. James Wan just really wanted to do the Amityville Horror and didn't care very much if it would be clocked by viewers like you. But more importantly, James Wan's spectacular fan service for Ed and Lorraine Warren are on full display this week as we cover The Conjuring (2013). Carie is entirely caught up in Ed Warren's crimes against women, Ross is predictably in love with the music, and the siblings are forever living in the moment when they went to see this in the theater with MOM

The Descent or: How I Learned Spelunking is Dumb

Claustrophobics need not apply this week, lil onions! We're breaking down one of Carie's all-time favorite horror films, The Descent (2005). We follow the journey of a group of female spelunkers as the traverse an unknown cave system and disturb the ancient horrors within. Carie is overwhelmed by the physical display of badassitude on behalf of the all-female cast, Ross is on the Juno For Death 2005 campaign for the entire film, and the siblings discuss how the film's two different endings impact the overall narrative. 

 

The Silence of the Lambs or: How I Learned the FBI Benefits from Women

Better late than never, right lil onions? This week, we're breaking down Johnathan Demme's thriller classic, The Silence of the Lambs (1991). We follow junior FBI agent in training, Clarice Starling, through her journey to become one of the "big boys" in capturing one of the most notorious fictional serial killers, Buffalo Bill. Ross has all the feelings about Jodie Foster's performance as Clarice Starling, as well as the production team for doing this subject justice. Carie is super overwhelmed by the aggressive close-up shots and the narrative dynamic between Clarice and Hannibal the Cannibal. There is also some light discourse on the transphobia of this movie, but please visit the sources in the related media, bc the siblings are for sure not qualified to discuss them in depth. 

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Saltburn or: How I Came to Fear Barry Keoghan

This is a long one, lil onions, but we could just not do a two-parter. We cannot be prolonging this!!! Because this week, we are unpacking Emerald Fennel's extremely disturbing, one of a kind thriller, Saltburn (2023). The siblings ride the roller coaster of the film following protagonist, Oliver Quick, from Oxford University to the mysterious summer estate of Saltburn to spend the summer with his new friend, Felix. Moment to moment, you can't be sure what happens next, and it's disconcerting. Ross can't get over the levels of depravity characters will abide, Carie is caught up in the ridiculous depth of the bathshit narrative, and the siblings are once again requesting emotional damages from the film's production team. 

Black Swan or: How I Learned Natalie Portman Could Dance Ballet

Ross' barn door is off its hinges this week as we break down one of his top ten favorite films, Darren Aronofsky's Black Swan (2010). Black Swan follows the journey of Nina Sayers who has lofty aspirations of dancing both the Black and White Swans in Tchaikovsky's Swan Lake, but the part may turn out to be more than she can handle. Ross goes gaga for all the symbolism baked into the crust of the film, Carie is big icked by all of the disgusting body horror as Nina makes her transformation, and the siblings are in awe of the Oscar-winning performance that gave Natalie Portman a seat at the big kids' table. 

Flightplan or: The First Time Ross Was Gaslit by a Film

Continuing with our theme of thrillers for Ross' birthday month, we cover one of his favorites, Flightplan (2005), the movie about how it is in fact possible to lose your child on an airplane. Jodie Foster stars as engine propulsion engineer, Kyle Pratt, who is distraught to awaken to find her daughter missing while on a double decker airplane. Prepare to be gaslit, both on Kyle's behalf and as an audience. Ross fawns over the tone the movie sets up from the jump, Carie gets super jazzed by the fim's catharsis, and the siblings are in collective awe at the amount of airplane specs there are. 

Knowing or: How I Learned to Prophesize the End of the World

What do you get when you combine Nicholas Cage, solar flares, and a meticulous tabulation of every major disaster over the past 50 years? Alex Proyas' Knowing (2009). What starts off as an interesting tale about a little girl who could see the future slowly but surely descends into a otherworldly mess when Nicholas Cage and his Macaulay of a Culkin child team up with Rose Byrne to solve the mystery of a list of numbers left in a time capsule by her mother. Ross defends the movie until he can't, Carie is actually surprised to be feeling things for Nick Cage, and the siblings are once again poised to consider the concept of what the afterlife may actually mean. 

SUPPORT US ON PATREON! We're already into our West Wing MS scandal arc coverage, and it's honestly worth it just to hear Ross be mad. 

The West Wing Pilot or: How I Fell in Love with Political Dramas [REBROADCAST]

HI LIL ONIONS! No new episode this week, but we are rerunning an old episode on the pilot of Aaron Sorkin and NBC's The West Wing ahead of our PATREON coverage of the multiple sclerosis scandal arc of the show. Revisiting this episode four years later has left us with one refrain: My how the tables turn...The optimism we feel in this episode has by now turned to disillusionment and despair. But we hope you enjoy this rebroadcast and encourage you to check out our coverage of the MS West Wing arc over on Patreon. We'd love to see more of you over there. Please support us at the link below! 

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Original description:

This week we take a long-winded stab at covering television. Our resident West Wing scholar, Ross, is here to tell us how this show came to be, how it stands up to history, and the craft of Aaron Sorkin. Carie is mostly here to fawn over Robe Lowe. 

Related Media: The West Wing Weekly; 

 

Aladdin or: How I Learned to Beeeeee Myself

**Let's try this again, with the CORRECT export file...

This week, Carie is offending Ross' OCD by choosing a Disney film, Aladdin (1992) despite previous intentions of grouping them together. Carie defends this choice by lauding the amazing performance of her fave, Robin Williams, as the genie. Ross gets frustrated with multiple plot elements that make less than perfect sense, even for a children's film. The siblings get back to the root cause of why the film traumatized Ross in the first place, and then of course the bonus treat of Ross' unsolicited rant about Disney remakes. 

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