Kicking & Streaming

Balto or: How I Learned Dogs Can Be Racist(?)

The answer is of course, no. Dogs are only as racist as we teach them to be. Welcome, lil onions, to the final stretch of 2024. This month, we're doing low-impact childhood favorites to end our year on a soft place to fall. Up first is our breakdown of a harrowing yet endearing story of a half-wolf dog who wants desperately to be respected by his community. We're breaking down Balto (1995), a story that is rooted in history but very much diverges from fract. Ross is up front and center, ready to call Carie out on her affinity for animated animals. Carie gets emotional throughout about the mission of these doggos, and cannot be consoled ("MOVIES ABOUT DOGS ARE THE BEST!"). The siblings are both plagued by feelings that this movie brings up about other movies or tv in their childhoods that gripped them deeply. 

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Amadeus or: How I Fell in Love with Classical Music (Pt.2)

*Who's ready to listen to Salieri whine some more? It goes off the rails this week, lil onions, as we conclude our two-part coverage of Amadeus (1984). Carie gets really granular with Mozart's infamous Requiem Mass and Mozart's creative process. Ross continues to bemoan Salieri's inability to just enjoy another's success. The siblings also expand on the circumstances of Mozart's demise. 

RELATED MEDIA: Great Music Explained

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Amadeus or: How I Fell in Love with Classical Music (Pt.1)

The vibes are bad this week, lil onions! Today we begin our two-part coverage of Milos Forman's Amadeus (1984), a WILDLY fictionalized tale of a feud between composers Antonio Sallieri, and his much more beloved contemporary Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. Ross has the ick about Sallieri from the beginning, and shows a paraphilic fondness of Mozart's actual hair color. Carie takes a turn doing her version of Ross' History Corner with some important asterisks about the film's liberties with musical history. And the siblings are completely OVER Sallieri being theoretically CUCKED, both by Mozart and by God Himself. 

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Evita or: How I Learned Movie Musicals Can Be Boring

Don't cry for us, lil onions! We promise it's not gonna be a two-hour episode this time! Today is part musical, part Ross' History Corner as we break down the film adaptation of Andrew Lloyd Webber's dynamic musical biopic about the most enduring public figure in Argentina's history, Evita (1996). Ross (and the character of Che) recount the demonstrably corrupt way Eva Duarte became the center of Argentine ideology and iconography through her marriage to Colonel Juan Peron in the mid-20th century. Carie can't actually believe that she's BORED by one of her favorite genres, movie musicals. Not to mention the siblings always tucking their hair behind their ear about the everything that is Antonio Banderas. 

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V for Vendetta or: How I Learned Governments Should Be Afraid of Their People

It's a long one....maybe the longest we've ever had. But it's important. Today the siblings are unpacking Alan Moore's dense and almost impossible-to-adapt, V For Vendetta (2005). While the source material is gross, Ross is still here for the vendetta in question. Like to the poitn where the Secret Service might show up on Carie's doorstep but who knows. And the siblings are constantly aware of the world that might be tomorrow...and what will that bring?

I do not know what to say. Just take care of yourselves and each other. 

Beetlejuice or: How I Learned to Haunt Ethically

It's big core this week, lil onions. We are ending Spookaween right with Beetlejuice (1988), a hilariously dark and campy film about a bioexorcist who helps a recently deceased couple expel the living from their Connecticut farm house. Ross is hair-on-fire excited to talk about how Delia Deets is both the moment and the problem, Carie is here for the craftsmanship of a Tim Burton production, and the siblings are ready to have a dance party for the Harry Belafonte moment of this film. And don't forget, the siblings will be reviewing the sequel to this movie, Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (2024) later this month on PATREON! 

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The Conjuring or: How James Wan Did Amityville Horror

There's no ifs ands or buts about it this week, lil onions. James Wan just really wanted to do the Amityville Horror and didn't care very much if it would be clocked by viewers like you. But more importantly, James Wan's spectacular fan service for Ed and Lorraine Warren are on full display this week as we cover The Conjuring (2013). Carie is entirely caught up in Ed Warren's crimes against women, Ross is predictably in love with the music, and the siblings are forever living in the moment when they went to see this in the theater with MOM

The Descent or: How I Learned Spelunking is Dumb

Claustrophobics need not apply this week, lil onions! We're breaking down one of Carie's all-time favorite horror films, The Descent (2005). We follow the journey of a group of female spelunkers as the traverse an unknown cave system and disturb the ancient horrors within. Carie is overwhelmed by the physical display of badassitude on behalf of the all-female cast, Ross is on the Juno For Death 2005 campaign for the entire film, and the siblings discuss how the film's two different endings impact the overall narrative. 

 

The Silence of the Lambs or: How I Learned the FBI Benefits from Women

Better late than never, right lil onions? This week, we're breaking down Johnathan Demme's thriller classic, The Silence of the Lambs (1991). We follow junior FBI agent in training, Clarice Starling, through her journey to become one of the "big boys" in capturing one of the most notorious fictional serial killers, Buffalo Bill. Ross has all the feelings about Jodie Foster's performance as Clarice Starling, as well as the production team for doing this subject justice. Carie is super overwhelmed by the aggressive close-up shots and the narrative dynamic between Clarice and Hannibal the Cannibal. There is also some light discourse on the transphobia of this movie, but please visit the sources in the related media, bc the siblings are for sure not qualified to discuss them in depth. 

Related Media: 30 years ago, The Silence of the Lambs added to cinema's trans legacy whether it meant to or not

Understanding Silence of the Lambs’ complicated cultural legacy

30 years in, The Silence Of The Lambs’ Jame Gumb still deserves better

Saltburn or: How I Came to Fear Barry Keoghan

This is a long one, lil onions, but we could just not do a two-parter. We cannot be prolonging this!!! Because this week, we are unpacking Emerald Fennel's extremely disturbing, one of a kind thriller, Saltburn (2023). The siblings ride the roller coaster of the film following protagonist, Oliver Quick, from Oxford University to the mysterious summer estate of Saltburn to spend the summer with his new friend, Felix. Moment to moment, you can't be sure what happens next, and it's disconcerting. Ross can't get over the levels of depravity characters will abide, Carie is caught up in the ridiculous depth of the bathshit narrative, and the siblings are once again requesting emotional damages from the film's production team.